Hello. I am Valerie’s Ego and I am writing my first blog EVER. AREN’T YOU IMPRESSED? YES, WE JUST GOT BACK FROM YOGA AND I AM READY TO ROCK!
Big breath. Let it pass. My mind is a yoga class in constant session. I hate the asana, I love the asana. I hate the teacher, I love the teacher. The guy next to me is breathing too loudly. The girl behind me is dramatizing with every misstep. There is someone to my left, where I should not be looking, who is perfect and easily 30+ years my junior. While in class, I noticed that I wrote around a dozen pieces for you. Some were from my core. Some were not. My ego was screaming through the class about what it hated. I conversed with it, mindfully, “My darling child, you are afraid. My dear girl, you are expecting too much of other people. What are you afraid of that is making you so angry?”
Until the next moment. I lost it again. I hated me. I hated them. Flood of angst. This is awful! And then, the next moment, ego surrendered again. Until the next asana and then: The Worst Ego in the World is judging, judging, complaining, irritated, hating, angry. Possessed by the shadow and then sun breaks through. The disorganized states of ME were all over the place.
I don’t often go to class. Especially since I busted my toe in early January (see the Busted Toe Diaries blog). This is my third week back. I don’t do rock’n’roll yoga, I do hot yoga. 90 minutes of surrender-yoga. It’s the feature-length yoga without the guru. My guru is inside, not to the left or right of the others but holding all of it safely. My guru has a name: Jizo. Imagine that Jizo, the Earth Womb, the Earth Treasury is holding the pieces of the mind safely. She/He/It is. Quietly, consistently and solidly.