Meet Jason. I am embarrassed to admit I hate him. His name is not really Jason. That would not be kind. Hating him is bad enough. Jason somehow finds me in yoga class and throws his mat down too close to mine. Not just once, but for four weekends in a row. The first week, [...]
Hello. I am Valerie’s Ego and I am writing my first blog EVER. AREN’T YOU IMPRESSED? YES, WE JUST GOT BACK FROM YOGA AND I AM READY TO ROCK! Big breath. Let it pass. My mind is a yoga class in constant session. I hate the asana, I love the asana. I hate the teacher, [...]
When it comes to communication and relationships, there is collaboration. And then there is everything else. The dictionary definition of collaboration is: 1) to work jointly with others or together especially in an intellectual endeavor; 2) to cooperate with or willingly assist an enemy of one’s country and especially an occupying force. So, one definition [...]
These steps are courtesy of K.W. Thomas’ work, Introduction to conflict management, which I am cutting and pasting rather than stealing. It was tempting, as they are nicely said. As I have written before, it’s hard to do collaborative conflict resolution. It’s hard to risk being wrong, being shown that you have made a mistake. From [...]
In compassionate meditation, I face my inner conflicts. In my relationships, those conflicts come to life when I feel threatened that I am at risk of losing something, being wrong, getting called out. Collaborative couples therapy is about teaching people to communicate by engaging without 1) attacking; 2) defending; or 3) withdrawing. This is not [...]
I learned another thing the hard way (is there really any other way?). When a broken bone is mending, there are times when it hurts, suddenly and badly, as part of the healing process. I was struck by the metaphor of how we cannot mend unless we face the painful things in our lives. This [...]
I don’t like noise. That is putting it mildly. So is saying I’m sensitive to noise. I’ve been this way my entire life. So I went looking for a solution. In my meditation, I am encouraged to welcome my anger toward noise, note it and breathe it out. That hasn’t helped. I’ve tried it hundreds [...]
Practicing meditation with Jizo has allowed me to listen to nature and practice lovingkindness with an earthworm
Reflections on anger floated up during meditation the other morning. Here is what came up: It’s neither good or bad to be angry. There is nothing wrong with being angry. It is the acting angrily that blocks our growth and causes harm. As 2 and 3-year-olds we are told to STOP our tantrums. I suspect [...]
In over twenty years of seeing patients — couples, families and individuals of all ages — many common threads have emerged. Jung called these patterns archetypes. Most of them are within us at birth, awaiting their gradual integration. But the one I want to talk about does not have a name… […]
