I just had to get off the yoga mat to write this down this morning.
I had not, until this very moment, internalized lovingkindness while I was doing yoga, or aerobics or Pilates mat work. I am always pushing myself to do longer asanas, more reps, better form. The message from my Internal Trainer is usually: “Do more! Harder! It’s not enough!” And her meanest words, “You will never, ever look 30 again!” A real motivator, her.
Instead, this morning I began saying, “Oh, my sweet girl, you are doing that beautifully.” “Nice work!” “Lovely move.” And when the other voice, the critical voice inevitably piped up, I held it with compassion, I did not banish it into hell — from which it always makes a fast rebound, anyway. I even placed my hand upon my face and used Thich Nhat Hanh’s words to my inner child, “My darling, I see you.”
And now that I have gotten this down on paper, I will return to finish my attempt at the union between mind and body, finishing with a restful cool down and off into my day.