Chibi Comes to Understand Anger in "What I Heard & What You Said"

Reflections on anger floated up during meditation the other morning.  Here is what came up:  It’s neither good or bad to be angry.  There is nothing wrong with being angry. It is the acting angrily that blocks our growth and causes harm.  As 2 and 3-year-olds we are told to STOP our tantrums.  I suspect most tantrums are a way of trying to say “no!” while we struggle for freedom and autonomy.  In my Utopia, we would be taught how to synthesize and utilize anger, even when we are raging children.

If we are fortunate enough to become conscious of our own anger, we are afraid.  It’s bad.  Rather than hate it and hide it, we could practice resting in what I would call Jizo awareness.  Jizo is the Bodhisattva whose name translates to Earth Womb — and feel angry — without judgement.  Once aware of anger on your inner horizon, feel your feet on the ground.  Breathe and observe.  Don’t hate the anger.  Lean on it.  Wonder about it.  Visualize it.  Notice how the anger expresses itself in your body:  tension?  If so, where?  Shaking?  Small breath?  Allow the desire to implode/explode and bathe it with compassion like a warm shower.  Try and reach for a neutrality much like the sky would experience a thunderstorm.  Buddhist meditation encourages us to Be Like The Sky.  The sky is constant whether it is day or night, hot or cold, stormy or peaceful, windy or calm.

Imagine Jizo, holding you safely in the face of your inner child – Chibi — turning purple with rage at whatever triggered you: another driver, colleague, loved one, the news, your child, your child’s coach, your own failings.   Then, ask that grounded part to help you observe and allow the storm to pass.  Just ask.

Jizo in Zen Tradition of No Big Deals

Thus, we may feel our anger and name it to ourselves.  We may admit it, if possible, in a kind and collaborative way to someone else without acting it out and causing harm.  We may learn something as we endeavor not to stuff it down and turn it against ourselves through some sort of self-sabotage.  Say to yourself: “It’s a feeling, it’s a weather pattern, and like all feelings and weather patterns: they pass.”  As you practice awareness and acceptance of anger, lightness arises within you.

So, today I am grateful to Ernest Hemingway who said, “The first draft of everything is shi-t” or I never would have written my first book, “What I Heard & What You Said.”  Or the eight children’s books that have poured out of my heart since then.  I never would have published the 2nd one, “Why a Fly?” without the encouragement I received as people discovered Jizo & Chibi– when I saw them get in touch with the deep wish to be held safely.

Jizo & Chibi, Incubating in the Nursery

Oh, and I’m grateful for Mrs. Best, my 2nd grade teacher who taught me that I had a voice and that I should write.  And grateful to my friend George who told me not to sign up for art classes but to buy some sumie ink, a brush and some rice paper and go home and paint!  I thank my husband for encouraging me to make my paintings into jewelry so that I could help more than 20 people a week — imagine, attachment therapy jewelry!  Neural-Buddhist icons!  Grateful that when I showed Chris Albrecht the galleys for my first book, he said the same thing my husband said: Make Jewelry.  Still, I hesitated.  Chris introduced me to his daughter, Kate, who also designs jewelry (see Mr. Kate at http://www.mrkate.com/ — thank you, Kate!)  She introduced me to Dikran, her fabricator who helped me bring my designs into three dimensional pieces.  I remember the first day I saw the wax figures of Jizo & Chibi.  I didn’t even have the dream of a logo at that point; wasn’t convinced I wanted to try and bring my Jizo into the world.  Why not just paint and look at the sky?  Why make another business when I already have my private practice?  Why jewelry?

Because, like most people, even introverts, I want to be heard and understood.  I wanted my work to help people who give up on meditation because it doesn’t work for them, because the groundlessness seems impossible to face.  Jizo is the Buddhist protector, his Sanskrit name means Earth Treasury, the Earth Womb:  the archetype of Mother Earth, often shown holding a baby in his arms.  My Jizo holds Chibi.  It just does.

Our First Show, 2010

Gosh, but I hope people keep loving them.  I hope they carry little keychains with my logo, to feel safe in their cars.  I hope they put little Jizo statues in their children’s bedrooms to protect them from the monsters who come out at night.  I hope they wear my new Chibi pendant with the letter Y.E.S. on the chain, for saying “yes” to our inner kid.  I hope you will re-visit my site, which will likely be completely revamped by the time Love Champ Gallery opens on Saturday, April 14th!  (www.jizoandchibi.com)

Most of all, I hope that when you read this, you remember what I have written in the past and move your fingers in a circle, follow the circle with your eyes (circum-oculation), allow your breath to curve around, following the circle and keep doing this until you feel a lovely, trancey feeling and then close your eyes (circum-respiration).  Close your eyes and feel your Jizo nature, holding you safely.

And do it again, tomorow!

Protecting the Ghost Chibi

If we try together to look compassionately at this phenomenon, then we may safely examine this broken child, rather than blaming each other for the fractures and misunderstandings that arise in the relationship.  We may begin to accept that disappointment is part of love, not an indication that love has died.  In seizing this opportunity to know ourselves and our loved ones more intimately, we may embrace this child and observe it with compassion until the broken pieces have a chance at healing. Thus we need not run away, judge, hate or merely fuss at our loved one, no matter how annoying we perceive them to be.  Instead, we can pause and embrace the pieces of ourselves that were likely rejected by those around us when you were growing up.  Then intimacy “problems” become our chance to grow toward wholeness. So, when you feel yourself judging or criticizing someone you thought you loved, be still, stay mindful, curious, and be kind.  Finding a solution in softening around one another and parenting ourselves together, allows for change.

Thus, just like in my artwork there is a place where Jizo, the Buddhist protector, may hold the Ghost Chibi, until a true union is achieved — comprised of both partners.

So what can I tell you without trying to write the piece again?  (At least, not today, for sure!) …That there is progress within me so I am not devastated, not angry, not defeated; that the pain of a moment ago is gone, having been replaced with a peaceful sense of, well, whatever I am going to write for my next blog is still sitting on the hard drive of the universe and today is not the day to force a download.

And that’s okay.  That is the gift of Jizo and seeking peace on this path.  Jizo is the ground within me, expansive and abiding, the Mother Earth, Earth Womb, holding me safely as I travel from moment to moment with all the compassion I can bring to any situation, including this one.

I wish you a peaceful inhalation, deeper than the last:  deeply in.  I wish you a peaceful exhalation:  deeply out.

Resting on Jizo's chest

Breathe…
Notice any tension you might feel. Don’t judge it. Just be aware of tight places.
Inhale deeply.  On the exhalation, notice if there is pain anywhere.

Don’t make assumptions about it, please. Just see and feel.  Notice the quality of the tension.
Hot? Cold? Sharp? Dull? A color? An image?
Again, notice your belly rise on an inhalation, as you exhale and your belly falls, invite the pain to speak.
Be patient.
It may be shy or unused to being heard as anything other than physical pain.
As you continue to focus on your breathing, deeply and evenly, imagine the pain as the little Chibi at the top of this page, dancing around Jizo’s body. Imagine this as non-verbal fear, sadness; whatever emotion comes from your tightness, tension or pain.
Just notice it and wonder.  Inhale again, deeply. On the exhalation, picture Chibi entering Jizo’s jacket and peeking out: safe.  See Jizo’s smile once Chibi comes to rest.  Let it in.

We often seek safety in the most unsafe places, for instance, in the approval of others.
Now, rest in Jizo’s robes.  Nothing to be, nothing to do.  Just for the moment.  Just for this moment.

Rather than have Valentine’s Day on February 14th, change things up by celebrating now.  Take pause, breathe deep and give yourself a Valentine of “I love me so very much.”  Then do it again tomorrow.  And the next day.  And on and on.  Don’t stop.

Practice “Random Acts of Valentine Love” by telling someone you love them today.  Or, if that’s too scary, tell them you like them.  You don’t need a Significant Other to do this: this holiday is notorious for engendering sad feelings of being left out of the Very Special Circle of Couplehood.  Bring a friend a little something, like a bunch of daisies.  Send a card that says “I care” or write it on a post-it note and place it where they will be happy to see it.

This is a Valentine we can put some soulful muscle into.  Call it a Moment-by-Moment Valentine.  Bring Jizo into the equation, as the guardian of the moment, protecting you so that you may face the anxiety of staying present to the intimate Now.

Gosh, I wonder if there is only one Valentine’s Day a year because it is so intense to express love.

Adrenaline, The Ride, Nice, France 11.11

Remember last years’ resolutions?  Are there patterns here that you cannot seem to change?  Maybe, as you read this, you could take a breath and pay attention to this moment.  Gently set an intention for moment-by-moment mindfulness.  This is a resolution that gets written now in early December and lived, however imperfectly, without waiting for January.

What I hear are expectations that we have the perfect holiday.  Expectations that are potential disappointments and they are undergoing their gestation as I write this.

So, let’s take pause, choose something to change now, not four weeks from now.  Just for this precious moment.  Pay attention and ask yourself what is important to you.  Notice the societal pull, the thousands of ads everywhere for all the things we need to give and receive.  I read once that there were five primary ways of loving and that giving gifts was on the list.  The other four were giving of our time, giving service, touching and using our words to express love.  Can we give these to ourselves as well as to others?  Can we substitute loving-kindness for the stress of having the perfect holiday season?

May the spirit of Jizo, the guardian, guide you through the upcoming weeks, helping you to maintain your center as you surf the waves of the Season.

Jizo holds the infant self safely

If we could be still, in a quiet place, for even three minutes each morning, we might begin to hear our innermost selves.  These states of being live beneath the mask/persona we have developed in order to be loved.  We wear a psychological suit, unconsciously, in order to be accepted by those around us.

In the stillness we may recognize unpleasant things.  Awful resentments.  Fears.  Trauma.  Hurt feelings.  Longings!  Oh my god, longing is so painful.  Wishing things were different.  The pain between what we Wish and what Is.

Only in stillness can we begin to know these things.  This place needs to be safe.  It may be found in a therapist’s office, a meditation center, a religious commuity, a quiet place in your home.  This is where Jizo comes in.  As the protector, Jizo is the Earth Womb — a place for us to face groundlessness with equanimity.  Jizo is the earth we stand on that nothing outside of us can take from us.  Embracing the existence of an inner force that allows us to be emotionally and psychologically safe is a basic necessity for becoming conscious.  We do not get it the first time we consider a force of inner safety.  We begin to get it when we begin to accept that nothing outside of us is permanent, that nothing can insure that we will always maintain our balance.  So long as we depend upon the impermanent, we have an underlying anxiety that whatever we have we will eventually lose.  This may take a long time to trust.  I am not asking you to have blind faith; I am inviting you to consider a untapped safety within you.

So, for now, breathe and rest in the idea that there is a calm waiting to be experienced.  From there we can take other steps, like making decisions to change, finding consistent practices that take us to a centered place, a Safe Place.

A Jizo kind of place.  On the inside.

The first step in coming into psychological safety is finding someone we can admit our experiences to, whether they are perfectly remembered or not. A place where the Show Starring You As the Perfect Person!! has been cancelled.  You know that show?  The one where you slide down the moon and into someone’s embrace (or the perfect job) (um, with the perfect body) …and everything is Great?

Who We Really Are

The pain we feel is usually the gap between that show and how we Really Are.  …and many of us live in lives that do not encourage us to express, much less know, who we are, deep down in our unacceptable selves.  Oftentimes, we do not even know that we are not connected to ourselves, we only know we are not comfortable in our skin, our bodies, our work, our relationships.

In order to deconstruct What We Think We Know is a daunting path. But when you see the statistics on depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, eating disorders, divorce; we have to question the construct of the Dream of Happiness.

For now, I only encourage you to wonder:  in what does your contentment lie? What are you hiding? If you could change, what would you change?  Who are you hiding from and why?  Who would you be if you were promised acceptance for how you really are?

Only wonder. Be curious. Don’t sweat the answer. It may not be safe yet. It will be one day — but while the ego perceives that you could be endangered or disapproved of by changing, it may feel as if you are small and helpless beneath the persona you have worn.  One thing is for sure:  curiosity is not going to kill the cat.

Beggar's Kitten, "Bella," Montparnasse 2011

Money and Anxiety

Money is an Anxiety Delivery Vehicle; it is a carrier of our feelings, predominantly fearful ones.

As many Americans have a troubled relationship to their money, they have a troubling relationship to anxieties around feeling safe in their lives.  They are afraid to be authentic and, thus, imperfect. They are often afraid to make mistakes. They are often afraid that what they do is not good enough. They are often looking outside themselves for something to soothe the anxiety.

Stepping Stone to Another Way of Seeing, 2006

If we step outside the fear of financial insecurity and wonder what gives us value, then we must turn inward.  What if we turn inward and experience emptiness or fear?  What if we are too afraid to turn and face ourselves? This is more common than most of us would like to admit.

Now Jizo Therapy comes into play.  Jizo is the residing inner resource of safety that lies dormant with each of us, awaiting our moments of stillness so that we may awaken. Upon awakening, things become more simple.  We come to know we are not what we strive to appear to be on the outside but that we are held safely, deeply, within ourselves in a place of lovingkindness, that enables us to embrace ourselves as we are In Total, not shoving away or disowning those aspects that would bring us shame.

Jizo Therapy

What is the treatment goal of Jizo Therapy?  Freedom.  How do we find it?  Sometimes through the revelation that we are already worthy; we need only wake up to it for this one precious moment.  That moment may be found in our willingness of be still for short periods of time, using compassionate Buddhist mindfulness, in order to awaken.