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Does marriage make us fat? The Binge Buddy Effect

Binge Buddies? Fat Serenity? Fear of intimacy? Do married couples eat more? The research says yes, which is all the more reason to practice mindful eating, get to know Jizo and stay grounded because, for most of us, intimacy is not what we bargained for.  […]

By |November 27th, 2014|Therapy, Uncategorized|0 Comments

We Are All a Little Broken… Don’t get over it

We all are a little broken. And that’s okay. Really, it is. In “The Art of Happiness” the Dalai Lama confided to his interviewer that he had a huge regret. He then shared a very sad story. The interviewer asked him if he ever got over it. The Dalai Lama was surprised. “Get over it? No… why would I expect to get over it.” (my paraphrase) Perhaps a lot of our suffering comes from the expectation of Getting Over Things. The cost of this expectation likely accounts for more lost time at work, with family, and in life in general than cancer, alcoholism and the common cold put together. The question we all ask is “How do I accept that there is no arriving at permanent happiness?”  It is a long road, hundreds, maybe thousands of books have been written on the subject.  Next time you are feeling miserable or broken try to pause and ask yourself, “Is there another way of looking at this?”  Merely pausing and reflecting may reduce tension, may allow you to, well, find some acceptance in the midst of a society riddled with high expectations.  Yes, it’s a paradox of sorts.  There are a lot of those floating around. My job is to get used to them. […]

By |September 5th, 2014|Therapy, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Surrendering Narcissism? It Hurts So Bad

Ever get into a huff that things are not going your way? Are you hurt when you don’t feel understood, and then think that there is either a) something wrong with you or b) something wrong with the person who hurt or insulted you? We toss the term narcissistic around like a ball. We insult people by calling them “raging narcissists” because, sometimes, when narcissism is pierced, people yell, scream, rant, toss out sarcasm or even calmly blame you for wronging them. Plenty of books appear on shelves and iPads about how to leave a narcissist. But I could not find a single one about how to love one or awaken to the notion that you ARE one, or at least just a little bit of one, yourself.  […]

By |August 28th, 2014|Mindfulness, Psychology, Therapy, Uncategorized|0 Comments

I Hate My Husband, I Hate My Wife: Healing through The F*ck You Letter

There is an underbelly to our most intimate relationships: the dark side of love. When people announce they are getting married, we might give our condolences along with our congratulations to offer a more holistic picture of the institution. Until then, let’s work out some of the awful kinks. […]

By |August 1st, 2014|Therapy, Uncategorized|0 Comments

The Dark Side of Marriage

This could be a book. But right now I don’t have time to write it, and you might not have time to read it, so I’ll just send out postcards, aka blog posts, for now. I’ve been seeing families, couples and individuals for almost 25 years now, and I am sure of a few things, not many, but a few.  One is that most marriages fail because nobody tells us about the dark side of love, the dark side of parenting, the dark side of aging, the dark side of working hard. […]

By |July 28th, 2014|Therapy, Uncategorized|0 Comments

The Trauma Body: Stopping to Listen

A voice arises often in my meditation. And when the same phrase is repeated, quietly, periodically, urgently, I pause and write it down. I don’t ignore my Muse. “There is a screaming child in the body of America,” she told me. […]

By |June 10th, 2014|Therapy, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Your Body Needs Breath, Not Magic

The other morning in yoga, my instructor, Dakota Lupo, said something that made me laugh out loud.  I am a little careful now about when I laugh aloud in yoga because once I laughed at something a new instructor said — she was funny — and she glared at me. She said, “Yoga is serious.” Well.  Hmph. […]

By |May 12th, 2014|Buddhism, Therapy, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Extraverts, It’s Okay to Rest

Being an extravert is challenging. I’m not complaining, just exploring out loud, which is part of extraversion. When I think or feel something, I feel more alive if I have shared it with someone — especially someone who will mirror or appreciate or engage with me in a meaningful way. But as meaningful as that sharing can be, it takes energy. And it can be tiring. […]

By |April 29th, 2014|Emotional Self, Therapy, Uncategorized|2 Comments

Tapping and the Jizo Bodhisattva

My Jizo Therapy is wading into the waters of what is popularly known as tapping.  Tapping, aka EFT – Emotional Freedom Techniques, can be found on countless websites, in dozens of YouTube videos, and at pain clinics. The very basic idea is that we have acupressure points in our bodies that, when tapped, move energy and help facilitate change. I was skeptical. I listened to various so-called experts and I was still skeptical. I tried it while on my meditation cushion and liked it.  I felt more relaxed. I had a better perspective. […]

By |March 21st, 2014|Therapy, Uncategorized|0 Comments

Releasing Tension: A Jizo & Chibi Dialogue

So, Chibi has a stomachache. (Note to new readers: Chibi means “little one” in Japanese.  For this author it includes all children and inner kids, as well.) Chibi usually feels great on the weekends, but by Sunday night or maybe Monday or Tuesday, Chibi gets a stomachache. Or a headache. Or a backache. Let’s assume Chibi has been to the doctor for all kinds of tests and, huh, how weird, nothing is very wrong. “But something FEELS wrong,” says Chibi, “and I HURT!”  Chibi takes the problem to Jizo, who is the protector of all living things, especially children.  […]

By |March 20th, 2014|Therapy, Uncategorized|0 Comments
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